Hoping They'll Be Home for Christmas

Karina (left) and Celia Bergman on the day when, finally, the long wait was over and the adoption was finalized. Now Chad, Celia and Karina are in Nepal waiting for the U.S. to grant them visas to come home. 

So...about 23 years ago, my husband and I signed up for premarital counseling, mandated by the church where we would be married. We went to the church gym on Saturday mornings with several other couples and were taught how to manage finances and how to argue in a constructive manner. (In terms of the latter, we were told to sit facing each other, holding hands and looking in each other’s eyes when we had a disagreement. Not a bad idea, but I don't think we ever really have had an argument sitting that way.) There was even a session on the sex. As I recall, the theme of that morning was "it's the oil that keeps the lamp burning.” We took the famous Myers-Briggs personality test and the pastor who went over it with David and me began our appointment with an alarming statement: “I don’t mean to upset you, but we have never seen two people with such opposite temperaments. Maybe, though, maybe it’s going to be a good thing. You know…opposites attract.” He didn't sound convinced, but I'm glad to say it's worked. 

I don’t remember much else about the premarital counseling other than I was extremely pleased to be getting married to David, I was sure we'd never need the advice about conflict resolution or remembering to make time for romance and one of the class's biggest draws for me was spending time with another couple enrolled in it, Chad and Celia. They were quickly becoming friends. Celia, like my husband and me, was a Wheaton College “faculty kid.” Chad and Celia were interested in theater, as was my husband.  And they were big-hearted and fun. And we were all getting married that summer, in 1989.

We went separate ways after getting married. Over the years, when I heard news about Chad and Celia, it often seemed related to their professional achievements. Chad is in love with all things Nordic, has lived in Scandinavia and speaks Swedish fluently. He taught overseas, managed a theater company and generally seemed up to interesting things. Celia works at the University of Chicago and has her doctorate in higher education. Most of all, I was glad to know that they, like us, were still married and even – from all reports – were still happy together.

A few summers ago, my husband and I ran into Celia at a backyard party. Unbeknownst to me, she and my son’s cello teacher are best friends. As my kids ran around the backyard with the cello teacher’s dogs (Are the dogs named “Sonny” and “Cher”?  I might have just made that up), Celia and I chatted. She told me that she and Chad were in process to adopt from China. For obvious reasons, I was very excited for her.  But it was about then that China’s adoption program slowed down. So, although I would think of Celia every so often and hope to hear that their daughter had come home, whenever I asked our mutual friend, there was no news. Then, later, I heard that while they were waiting for China, they were also in process to adopt from Nepal. Nepal is one of the poorest countries in the world, maintains a caste system which excludes many rural people from economic opportunity, among other things. They were going to adopt a child who had been abandoned, was living in an orphanage; a child whose future – as a person of low caste – was bleak at best.  

For Chad and Celia, the waiting began. (Again.) You might have heard about the current crisis regarding adoptions from Nepal.  The short version is that, to avoid participating in unethical adoptions, the U.S. has suspended granting visas to dozens of families (nicknamed “pipeline families”) whose adoptions in Nepal have been finalized, but who cannot bring their children home.  This blogger, who has come home with her Nepal-born daughter, explains what is happening:

These children have been abandoned by their biological parents - there is ample evidence that they have been living in orphanages for years but are still being denied visas by the US government to live with their adoptive families who will provide a safe, loving and nurturing home because their original abandonment cannot be substantially verified. Of course, in nearly all cases of abandonment, the mothers/family members/relatives by necessity go to great lengths not to be identified.  Further, the government of Nepal, in its own detailed investigations of each case, has determined that these children are legally free to be adopted.  The US parents have done just that. They are now responsible for the well being of the children.

We all strongly support ethical adoption policies and procedures but feel there may be a lack of consideration of the values and culture in Nepal and the difficulties they impose.

Chad and Celia, like the other seventy-three “pipeline” families want to come home.  They have initiated a letter-writing campaign and ask friends and family to send letters to President Obama and other government officials.  If you would like to help these families get home for Christmas, please consider copying the letter, below into a Word document and modifying to fit your situation. (On mine, I’m switching out “our” with “their” – and so on – and mentioning that I am also a mother by adoption.)

May Chad, Celia and (magnificent) Karina be home soon -- click on their names to read their blog.

We’re all in this together, right?

President Obama

The White House


1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW

Washington, DC 20500

A Christmas Wish

Seventy-four American families are facing a heart-breaking holiday season this year due to U.S. policy in Nepal. Some families are stranded in Kathmandu - many since August - as they await visas for their newly adopted children. Other parents remain in the U.S. while their newly adopted children stagnate in orphanages in Nepal. These parents wait helplessly for visas knowing that every day their child spends in an orphanage is a developmental disaster.

Our children need to come home to America. Some of the children awaiting visas have developmental delays due to malnutrition or institutionalization. Other children have diseases caused by nutritional deficits. Orphanages struggle to provide the children two meals per day - most can't afford to serve meat, fresh fruit or milk. These kids are surviving on rice, lentils, and unsafe water.

The families farthest along in the process have spent tens of thousands of dollars in legal and investigation fees and on extended in-country stays. This is in addition to the not inconsiderable costs to adopt internationally. At least one family in the group is being forced to sell their house to bring home their daughter. Others risk losing their jobs or income as they stay in Nepal for an extended period. Several are taking out loans and/or soliciting donations from friends and families. The policies of the US Government are placing these new families at severe financial risk on their return in an already tough economy – this cannot be in anyone’s best interest.

We are undergoing tremendous emotional, financial and, in some cases, physical hardship and all for one reason: our children. These children are our sons and daughters. They are truly abandoned. We cannot give up on them and leave them in orphanages in a country that is not only impoverished but also has a caste system which ensures that these orphans, as casteless adults, will face rampant discrimination.

Please, it is in your power to grant our Christmas wish. The U.S. Embassy in Nepal has now completed all investigations and though they will not confirm this directly, what we can gather is that NOT ONE of these cases revealed any evidence of fraud or child trafficking. They are denying our children visas because they can’t prove there WASN’T fraud. The assumption is – against all evidence to the contrary -- that all documentation from the orphanages, police and hospitals is fraudulent. A conspiracy this large would be impossible to keep secret (just as it was no secret in Vietnam and Cambodia), yet no evidence of money changing hands, documents being forged or children being sold has been found. For those families that haven't yet spent the tens of thousands of dollars it will take to adjudicate cases through USCIS in New Delhi, let them save that money for college funds instead.

Please grant us our Christmas wish to be able to bring our children home this month. Please grant our children the visas they need to travel home to America.

Thank you.

Your signature and name

*********

President Obama / The White House

/ 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW /

Washington, DC 20500 / FAX: 202-456-2461

First Lady Michelle Obama / The White House

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